Unexpected Baggage

I packed for this trip very carefully. Only three pair of underwear. Special clothes with wicking fabric. Sleep sack, $50 poncho! Scallop shell.

The advice is to only carry one tenth of your body weight, which for me, before the French fries, is about 14.5 lbs. So when my bag was 15 lbs. I felt okay, successful, perhaps a wee bit too heavy?

What I hadn't accounted for was the 50 tons of emotional baggage. So the past few days of me doubting myself, feeling inadequate, not Parisienne or Camino or Peregrino, I knew I had more baggage problems than I had accounted for.

Sitting on the final train to St. Jean, looking at all the other Peregrinos boarding, I started to have a sinking fear. A trapped feeling. Social awkwardness and insecurity hopped on my back along with my special underwear that dry-really-fast-and-i-haven't-even-used-yet- cause-they-seem-so-important. That feeling of what if they decide that I'm not worthy? Or I get judged for being an American (which god knows I must deserve cause Donald Trump is President) Or what am I doing here anyway? When folks ask,why am I walking the Camino, am I going to feel as full of shit as I'm afraid I sound?

Then of course there was the part of me saying, ‘Jesus Marcia, you're 56 years old, when are you going to stop thinking like a fourteen year old’.

Yes. Lots of extra baggage for this trip.