Ouch

Ouch! Every muscle of my body aches. My feet, my legs, my shoulders...all ache! In massage school I learned that we build muscle through tiny micro-tears in our muscles when we use them. So I'm envisioning my muscles with those tears just aching.

I'm not into pain..I don't like pushing my body too hard. In a previous post, I mentioned warning John that I'm not doing the Camino because I want to suffer.

So, it begs the question, why. Why am I doing this HUGE walk. I thought I might enjoy the scenery, which I truly have. I liked the idea of not making a lot of decisions every day, which I have not. I thought I might get some spiritual enlightenment, which I just might have.

So a few years ago, I got hugged by Amma, and I think I had a moment when I realized that spiritual enlightenment isn't about suffering (which I pretty much grew up trained to believe by the Greek Orthodox church). It’s actually about bliss. So there I had it. I had the secret to enlightenment! I just had to pursue bliss!

A great guru once said, “It takes great effort to stay afloat on the sea of bliss.” So I figured that meant more meditation (which can feel like a kind of suffering).

But I think the suffering I've been experiencing has contributed to some bliss. After yesterday, I was so physically miserable, I started to question, AGAIN, what I'm doing here.

But today was such an amazing day. I was dancing the Camino. I felt so elated. Singing, laughing, SKINNY DIPPING. And it had a lot to do with the contrast with the intense discomfort of endlessly walking. Relentlessly experiencing physical pain. The sky was bluer. The leaves were greener. I felt a closer connection to John...to others. I don't know if this is the answer or do I presume to present it as anything more than a wonder. In fact...there's a part of me that doesn't really care to figure it out too much.

But I think I might like to swim in the sea of bliss again.