Seriously

My first Portuguese Camino blog is about breasts. Please stop now if you don't want to read about my obsession with them. On my last Camino, I politely brought a bra. Then I burned it while trying to dry it in an albergue microwave. I was secretly delighted to have melted the damn thing. I am 62 and have grown to really abhor bras. They are so uncomfortable. They are sticky, and sweaty and really hard to keep from slipping and sliding off my shoulder. I have arthritic shoulders, so they are literally painful to latch in the back. I have given myself permission to not wear one on this walk. In fact, I didn't even bring one. It's not a statement. I'm not trying to do anything but feel better while I'm walking and sweating. So here's the problem. The other thing I'm uncomfortable with is what others think of me. I care way too much about the approval of others. I don't need even be told of their disapproval, I just fill in the thoughts that I think they are having. It can be exhausting. Today, as I walked, I found myself thinking about my breasts way more than I should have. I noticed that I looked at other women and wondered whether they had bras on. I would have felt a bit of relief to see more braless women. But why should that even matter? I wondered if someone was thinking mean thoughts about my choice. I wondered if I was being judged. This is especially ridiculous because I really don't know what other people are thinking. I've been told that what other people think is none of my business. So, here's my pathetic dilemna. How do I accept my own decision and allow myself to move freely through the world without a relentless conversation with strangers. Don't misunderstand. I'm not baring my naked breasts to the world. I'm just wearing loose shirts that seem perfectly appropriate to me. That's the thing. I'm so uncomfortable wearing a bra, that being braless is frequently worth the angst. Shouldn't that be all that matters? I don't look at others and judge them for wearing or not wearing anything. I really don't. In fact, I find it refreshing and interesting to see how others dress. This is an in my head kinda problem. It's also illuminating that I'm having a wonderful adventure through Portugal on a path that millions of women have walked for thousands of years and I'm thinkg about this. I wonder if women wore bras back then and I wonder if a few of them wanted to shed their bras as well.